News for me to remember

This is a day I need to take a moment to remember. July 30, 2008, was just suppose to be a simple day. I scheduled doctor's appts for sweete hubby, and the other two boys. The boys are fine, but this was the 40 year check up for my sweetie so we can now progress his downhill. (it is the running joke) Doc says he still has high blood pressure and to start taking a medication to help lower it. Doc had the nurse do an EKG on him because the blood pressure is still so high. Also tells my sexy husband that he will need to go have blood work done. Could of had it done today if he had gone in fasting -- but we had no idea that he was suppose to have been fasting. Everything else is fine from what I can tell and remember.

Then later today the Doc calls and wants my sweet hubby to call him back and talk to his nurse because he had read his EKG. I could hear in the Doc's voice that something was going on, and then it hit me (I can't describe exactly what it was, like a force telling me "he needed to call back immediately") call your sweetie.

I called and let him know trying to sound calm, but not working, and sounded very anxious and I was curious to know NOW what the doc wanted to say. Knew in my heart that it wasn't going to be good news, but it was going to be exciting (not the YIPPEE kind).

Coming home from a friends' house I saw that he was home an I was anxious to get home to find out the info. When I walk in and he is laying on the floor with his feet propped up my first thought was 'WOW that must have been some intense news'. Asked him what the doctor said...

He has to go see a cardiologist within the next 2 weeks. (my thoughts... HUH? WhAT? Okay get a grip things will be okay) Then he says, 'looks like I might die before you after all.' I don't think so dude, I still have too much that I want to go and do with you. Then he brings up his grandpa and then I start to wonder... Is he going down the path his grandpa did?... NO, because he needs to be here still, there are too many things for him to finish and one of those is growing old with me. :)

The EKG did not look good and he has alot of stress on his heart and it has been there for quite some time. He says he needs to learn how to get rid of more stress -- I would never have known he was a stressful person because he is always so calm. Also he has to do more exercising 3x's a week for 40 min., but that was said at the appointment.

He asked me later how I felt about all this, and all I could say was 'everything will be fine'. Yet in actuality I am a little concerned and apprehensive (scared in other words). But I am NOT going to let him know that. Lets get more information first. I want so bad to tell someone, especially his family, and talk with them but he doesn't want anyone to know yet. On a personal note I would like his family to know, especially his parents. Out of all of the children he is the one that gets the LEAST amount of attendtion and sometimes that makes me sad, but alot of times that makes me angry.

(rabbit trail) Sometimes I just wish they would recognize some of what he has done, accomplished, handled, etc. Seems everyone else is more important...ie: youngest brother is always talked about and his accomplishments with EVERYTHING that he does and his wife having diabetes -- lets make sure we cater to everything for them all family meals too. Another brother, is such a good person, look what he has done -- he is in the bishopric at such a young age and has a successful business (that was handed to him) and is such a good husband and father and can be so funny. And yet, there are others that get attendtion because they are going through a hard time (depression, divorce); or mom feels that another needs some extra love so she goes out of her way to please him and do all she can to 'make' him feel better. With the girls it is no different all being 'doted' on and how wonderful they all are and so excited when they come to town -- have to roll out the red carpet for them too. Yet here we are and it seems that my husband, also the oldest, gets nothing. Never do we hear how great he is doing or have the red carpet rolled out for us. Sometimes I wish we lived FAR away and came in to visit every once in a while, then I can honestly say they would probably roll out the red carpet for him. The family would never see us and I wouldn't have to see the neglect I see him get. The family has no clue what we have had to do, and my illness is just as important as the other person that has diabetes. But we'll take care of her more.

I have to stop... I am just getting too upset. I have seen this for too long and watched for too long, but not allowed to say anything. So it just festers and boils, and I then have to just turn off the heat.

So I will make the appointment for the cardio and will keep myself posted on what is happening. More later...